this has nothing to do with writing, but guys, there are bugs in my phone

A few months ago, I started noticing itty bitty bugs on my phone. Like, gnat-sized. Not beetley or particularly gross. Just tiny bugs, maybe twice or three times in a month, always the same kind.

And then it was maybe twice a week. And then it was every day. Always on my phone, never anywhere else. Conclusion: there are bugs living in my phone or in my phone case. My phone case  is (was) fabric, so maybe they are eating it? Like tiny moths eating my phone’s tiny wool suit? (I’ve just looked it up, and the company doesn’t say if it’s wool; it’s described as a “Luxurious Fabric Exterior”, okay.)

So first I tried sealing the case in a plastic bag in the freezer to kill the little fuckers, which I think probably would’ve worked, but then I’m going around with bug corpses in my phone and I could not stop thinking about that. Option two was to just get a  new phone case, which I did, because I have an old phone and the cases are pretty cheap for it.

And then the thing to do is junk the old one, right? Not like…crack it open over the sink and see if a torrent of tiny bugs come out and eat my cranky neighbor across the hall or, alternately, recognize me as royalty like the bees in Jupiter Ascending?

Let’s pretend I threw it out like a sensible person because otherwise I’ll have to admit that I wore rubber gloves and held it over the sink at arm’s length as I slowly peeled back the fabric and in the end one sad little bug crawled out and skittered away down the drain. I was both disappointed and relieved.

I got another fabric case. If this happens again, I will let the bugs build up to critical mass before I crack it open. In conclusion, my phone is now cosplaying Hannibal.

plaid fabric phone case

hannibal lecter in a plaid suit